I am really hard on myself … like, really hard.
There was a mishap with the print version of To Cherish and it was all my fault. I approved the print copy without looking too closely at the digital proof and I didn’t order a second printed proof. The first printed proof came through and is beautiful – it’s one of my favorite covers for my stories – but when I was flipping through I found a spelling error and panicked. It was the right word, but wrong spelling and brought back nightmares from when I lost the sixth grade spelling bee (I will never again in my life spell “pennant” wrong, btw). Then I realized I never justified the text. Simple fixes. Little things. No big deal? Right. I made the corrections, PDF’d my copy, and resubmitted.
It was approved as submitted but there was something in the email about the PDF being a different trim size than the book is supposed to be. I opened the PDF digital proof and zoomed in to see what was up but didn’t see anything weird, so I approved it for sale without thinking about it and went to bed. The next day I ordered 20 copies to have on hand.
A week later, this is what showed up:
Nice, justified pages. Beautiful, correctly spelled words. Letter sized PDF they attempted to fit into a 6-by-9-inch book. Valiant effort and not at all the printer’s fault. I fixed it all. They approved the new version and I triple checked it. Then I had my husband check it. Then I approved that one for sale and had a good cry because what idiot does something like this? Me. I’m that idiot.
Something like this is enough to trigger my anxiety and depression, and it did. It just wasn’t as bad as it could have been. I’m rebounding from that by attempting to refocus my efforts on marketing and interacting with my Facebook group, but it’s really hard. I keep looking at this giant box of books and thinking, “That’s money I’ll never make back. I spent most of the week’s grocery budget on that.” Instead of having coherent thoughts, I post rambling nonsense like my last entry here and forget to finish a newsletter about my books being on sale, a sale I really shouldn’t have had in the first place because it was a waste of time and effort on my part and garnered only a couple sales. I devalued my work because I felt no one else valued it either. That’s a hard pill to swallow. I’m glad I didn’t choke.
Hopefully I’ll stop hating myself long enough to place a new order so I can have the correct version of To Cherish on hand, along with what we decided in my reader group will be called the “rare” version. Once that happens, I can finish giving giveaway winners their prizes and continue working diligently on Letters From Emily. My goal is to finish the first full draft by May 12. My other goal is to be able to focus for more than five minutes at a time to complete the first goal.
Happy Friday and have a very safe and enjoyable St. Patrick’s Day!