Excuses

Every time I come to this space I feel like all I write are excuses, so I stopped coming here.

I’m getting discouraged. I’m upset. There are less and less hours in the day it seems. I have a full plate before thinking about the (not even close to being finished) manuscript sitting open behind this web browser. I come here and I get depressed, more than the normal, when I see how much I’ve slipped away. It’s happened on my Facebook page and Twitter as well. It’s not that I don’t care or don’t have things to say … it’s that I feel the things I say are unimportant. It’s a “it’s not you, it’s me” thing.

Part of me wants to say I’ve taken all this time hiding out from social media because I’m mad busy finishing my next book, but that’s a bold-faced lie. I haven’t written in over a week.

Right this second I have 23,068 words done on Tommy’s story. I have a self imposed deadline of Dec. 31 for the first draft and a goal of at least 80,000 words. It shouldn’t be this hard to write the next 56,932 words. I repeat, it *shouldn’t* … but it is.

I remember what it was like to freelance for the newspaper when Charlotte was a baby and I had actual deadlines set by someone else I had to abide by. There were stories that should have taken 20 minutes to write that took two hours because the baby was on the stairs, the baby was standing on the coffee table, the baby was hungry, the baby refused to nap, the baby stressed me out because stress was already eating me alive and she was unintentionally adding to it when I tried to write during the day. Eleanor is 7 months old now and I’m so afraid it will turn into that all over again once she figures out how to crawl because crawling leads to pulling up on things and then climbing and eventually terrorizing the entire house. Work at home parent – it’s not all it’s cracked up to be when you don’t have a helping hand to run interference between you and the kids.

What the hell was I thinking when I decided having a new baby and writing a new novel would be a good idea? I was thinking I was SuperMom. Again. Because I’m delusional.

But I’ll get it done. Tommy Stratford might not be done and ready for editing until after Dec. 31, but he’ll get done. I just have to stop cooking and doing laundry and cut back on that sleeping thing I try to do every night.

Anyone know where I can hire a body double for cheap? While we’re at it, can you find me an actual PA (who doesn’t mind payment in the form of ARCs and cookies) who can help with promoting and marketing?

5 thoughts on “Excuses

  1. *HUGS* I’m not a PA, but I like cookies. LOL
    Seriously, tho, I’m happy to help promote your books on a more consistent basis! My go-to posts are usually FB & Twitter when I do Amazon giveaways (or just to randomly share about books & things), but if you know of other places you’d like to get the word out to, let me know. IDK if my email comes up w/ this or not, but it’s boberrie76@gmail.com & again, happy to help even if you just want to vent. (I’m sure you have ppl to vent to, but just in case you want one more…) 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you, Carrie! I’ll email you soon. I seriously just put Ellie down for nap #2 today and have about an hour before Josie and Charlie get home from school, so I’m going to try to get a few hundred words written. Lately all I’ve been able to do is post in Facebook groups and it’s just the pinned post on my author page. I boosted that post for a week and, while the post itself got likes, there were zero sales from it. There were just zero sales. It’s like no matter what I do or try it doesn’t work and I can’t afford to do constant giveaways or pay people to make graphics. The number of reviews on the second book is disheartening, too, and there are people who were given the book for review who haven’t reviewed. I try to not bitch about it all to anyone but my husband, but this shit is hard and more than once I’ve thought about just not doing it anymore. It’s frustrating and depressing to get passed over time and again. *deep breath* Right. I’m going to go write things. I posted a short blurb from Tommy’s book, so if you have a chance check it out and let me know what you think. 🙂

      Like

      • LOVE IT!
        And I totally get the frustration. There are some stories I just want EVERYONE to read (yours are two of them)! I’m sorry about the ppl who said they’d review & didn’t. 😦 That always makes me so sad. Of course, I’m currently making myself sad bc I didn’t look at release dates for the last batch of ARC’s I signed up for & I’m behind on reading & reviewing two of them. But not THAT behind!
        I hope you have a FABULOUS evening w/ your family & let me know whenever whatever I can do to help spread the word about your wonderful stories!! ❤

        Like

      • You’ll get caught up. I have faith in you. 🙂 The kids settled down, the laundry is folded, and I finished watching the last season of NCIS on Netflix. Now I can work, which means emailing you. lol

        Like

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